ALL YOU NEED IS ECUADOR (English version)

(traducción: GlobalCom Translations, Solutions & Services ¡gracias!)

In addition to its wonderful landscapes and colorful animals which seem as if they were brought in a time machine (all of this always at risk of being lost due to humans’ malicious blood), Ecuador is a place that any tourist who likes political correctness and romance ought to visit.  It’s no joke: Ecuador has always been a good country with its neighbors.  A gentle and even naïve neighbor.

As a result of that innocence, it has lost more than half of its territory in wars and treaties with Colombia and Peru.  The small jungle area that remained property of this nation was almost destroyed at the hands of oil companies that left behind more pollution than profits.  That’s how nice we’ve been.  We are not the only ones in the world, but since we’re at it, we have not even thought of forcing our ideas upon any other nation.  No country can complaint of being seriously attacked by our self-appointed “glorious” armed forces.  The attacks, damages and abuses have been committed by us against ourselves; we are our own kidnappers and torturers.  That’s how good a host we’ve been.

We don’t have a Guantanamo, on the contrary, we’re one of the countries which has received one of the greatest number of refugees, and xenophobic behaviors are not part of our list of shortcomings.  Any tourist is welcome.  I remember meeting in Paris a Canadian who traveled with a flag of his country, particularly to avoid being confused with a U.S. citizen.  Here we love them all the same, as long as they’re not one of us. You foreigners may come unconcerned and ask in travel agencies about the hundreds of splendid landscapes we have to offer.  And at excellent prices. 

By the way, a few years back in New York someone asked me if we had television, and - in case the news hasn’t reached the outside world – yes, we have television, internet, paved roads, struggle on the issue of gay marriage, electricity, vehicles run with oil derivatives, fiscal deficit, microwave ovens, vaccinations, cell phones, and an amazing variety of hard drinks, and natural hallucinogens for everyone.  Also, we have places that the rest of the world doesn’t have, such as the Galapagos Islands, the Cotopaxi volcano, the Cuyabeno lagoon, and two gigantic holes that will bear witness that in Quito we even tried to build a subway.

Here sex tourism is not a pandemic, but there are reports of love tourism: it is usual to see couples of girls, white as soft cheese and blond as Harry Potter’s enemy’s dad, and frankly not too pretty, but properly and romantically involved with skinny, dark-skinned and exotic representatives of our country.  Affection – probably sincere – is not amiss for any of them, to tell the truth.  And the speed in which we learn to say “I love you” in any language is worthy of a Nobel prize.  

Come, ye tourists, and take the same provisions as usually announced by Western countries about safety (our violence rates are not worse than in most places around the world), and additionally to these precautions, never ever believe that cross walks are any good.  Ecuadorians behind the steering wheel hate pedestrians as much as we hate traffic laws.

I think that will do. 

Enjoy your stay.